more money

got a request for money today.. apparently the poor fellow had lost a loved one and could not afford the expense of the funeral.. and yes I politely asked him how he got the rum be was breathing all over me.. so I say to him “look I’ll give you 500 bucks” his eyes bugged and he sputtered.. pulled the bottle of over proof out and took a swig.. , he said 500??? I said “yes, but I want the body, I am doing some life drawing and need a sitter” he turned, swore and walked away…. so I yelled “600!!!!!”

I swear, I am being followed by this guy…. yesterday…I offered to buy the body of his dead relative for 500 bucks..

Well I am in town by the market.. I hear a commotion.. no not music being played at 500 decibels, like Gracies fine clothes and novelties does, near the Scotiabank, but a people commotion..

So I look down the street and here I see a guy pushing a pine box coffin with the lid off, and a body in the box .. lying flat up with a cigar in it’s mouth. wearing a TUX.. the lady beside me faints dead away…. I check to see if I have indeed got 8 bananas in my bag.. and look up again and it’s HIM and he’s got his buddies with him, and a mariachi band following playing “and when the saints go marchin’ in” .. I tell you I am standing there with my mouth wide open…. The guy is yelling.. [ slurring his words] hehth gwingo.. da body hes here”

well… I am thinking.. holy sheet 500 bucks…..

The dear lady at the stall whispers to me.. “don’t mind him he’s for ORANGE WALK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ”

Gawd.. I felt like it was a scene out of the exorcist, he stops in front of me with the casket on a dolly and says.. look.. , he proceeds to pull the head off, the cigar falls out, a little guy on a moped, makes a dive for it.. screaming COHIBA! and I stand there thinking.. OH sheett… time to be fast on my feet..

So I causally walk up and notice that it’s the store dummy from Gracies fine clothes and novelties , near the scotiabank,so I says… I thought I told you it had to be a women what possible use have… says I for a guy and frankly that is no lie. Well the little rhyming seems to have addled his over proof for he drinks down the whole bottle in one gulp, belches, says I think.. ‘mama sita’ bends over blows a force 5 fart and falls flat on his face..

The produce in the stalls behind him… shrivel like raisins in the sun, the stall owners start screaming…… and the band changes the tune to “deck the halls with boughs of holly” and I say to myslef.. time to go…

Grab My banana’s all 7 of them and GITt.. I am staying home for a few.. gessue.. what a day

Ok Ok, I know I shouldn’t have but I was out of bread… so I looked out the front and up and down the road.. didn’t see anything but a blind dog fornicating with a fire hydrant, or it looked like a fire hydrant.. anyway … so I figured.. what the hell.. I am going out.. and get me some sweet bread from the “of course not” bakery… good bread and friendly staff.. .

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