Oh no… ‘an ill wind blows’
Okay.. here it is… you tell me…
I ride my bike into town.. figuring to pick up some fresh vegetables, peanuts and the like from the ‘Mennintight’ market So…. I get in line and I just happen to be, by the back of one of their horses… WELL bad idea… This bloody horse… lets out a force 5 hurricane 15 second blast of a methane sulfur mix that would make a sanitary workers eyes water. As I finished gagging I noticed that two people behind me had actually passed out.. one was bent over the curb.. Saying ‘sotto voce” gawd help me… and a wee person [ midget] had been blown completely over , as his head was a sphincter level.. a critical problem , anyway. He had been thrown back about ten feet and he’s upside down.. on a stack on banana’s [ gawd help me, but the first thing I thought of was the wizard of Oz].. I run over to the little guy and he looks at me and says “ did the eggs break?’ So I look in his hands and there’s a bag of eggs… and I “ they’re fine.. just pre-scrambled ‘
While I finish giving CPR to the poor soul you took the direct hit.. they finally come around and I thinking.. come on.. this is a health hazard.. so… I go up to the mennintight and say
‘Heh, what the ‘ell are you feeding your horses.. you coulda killed somebody”
He says ‘ GOTT IN HIMMEL Englander ze horsey farty ist gawds vey of telling he lebens du”
I say..” well considering the smell it wasn’t god who loves us… but regardless can’t you buy some air fresheners to hang on the horses tail.. or at the very least empty a can of febrezze up its butt. Your horse is a health hazard and the pollution alone should convince you to take precautions”
Now the Mennintight looks at his horse kinda funny and just then the horse unloads the biggest smelliest horse puck this side of Cayo district, and it lands right beside the cauliflower .
So I’m waiting for the poop and scoop thing to happen.. and he just turns and goes about his business.. so I figure… being Christian and all, maybe he doesn’t realize that civilized people stop and scoop.
So I say…’ Look Mr. green jeans’ [ I had a flashback to captain kangaroo but I digress] you should clean up that horse $$$$ and at least wash the cauliflower”
He says “ Gott IN HIMMEL du again what du think de horsesy ncikt gedumpen on der cauliflower already HMMM! It ist healty fur di Englander ..”
So he bends down and grabs some.. and rubs the puck through his fingers like he is smelling channel number five… so I have a better idea.
I say look what if I get a few cans of airfreshners.. you can keep them and some sani wipes and you can empty a couple of cans into the horse, wash your hands and you’ll be good to go , MY treat”
Around this time the wee man.. comes up and halls off and punches the horse right in the cojones… the horse bucks and kicks and hits the Mennintight right in the butt.. he goes flying like an overalled version of the flying num.. [ no he doesn’t look like Sally Field] and lands head first into a 20 lb bag of peanuts.
He Roars “ wee Englander du bist gedeadedn “ and he grabs a pitchfork from the wagon… the wee man yells.. “ I’m outta here’ the Mennintight is standing with the fork.. and god help me i am an artist and I’m thinking .. one half of American gothic… but I think forget it and take off with the weeman
Anyway.. how was your day..