Flying to San Pedro.. an adventure in two parts.. getting there and staying there
Wow…. Fun, fun, fun.. took a flight to San Pedro… they have a special called.. “entertainment plus” extra 30 bucks but heh.. sounded like fun.
Got on the plane…. The pilot spent an inordinate amount of time outside by the propeller but I just assumed he was winding the elastic as tight as it would go.. but anyway we were off!!!
Firstly a “wee person” was the airline hostess, she offered Rum, rum punch, rum smoothies, rum ice-cream, rum mints and wd40 I didn’t know you could drink that, but a few people did go for it… I must admit.. she had a unique serving style, everything came out of a backpack and since she was only 2 feet tall… she had to stretch to serve everything… the woman beside me asked for a rum punch and I had to physically lift the hostess off the floor and hold her while she poured the drink… for some reason she wanted to sit on my lap and have me tell her a story. But I quickly disengaged and told her in my sternest voice… NO LAP FOR YOU!
Next came 4 limbo dancers… the trouble was the main guy was okay but he was 6 foot 3 at least and the plane is narrow,, so his assistants could only hold the bar about a foot wide… so he was trying to get under it bar,, unfortunately, his mind must have been elsewhere,. Or he scored some free Viagra and he continually couldn’t get under the bar.. I must say the ladies in front of me and beside me seemed enjoy it immensely.
After about 30 minutes… I heard the pilot talking on the radio.. he said “ where the hell is the GD island? I’m looking and I don’t see no friggin’ island”
The tower.. I heard the tower say… “look down”
The pilot said “ oh ok why didn’t you say so.. ??? and then he said.. “ I have to circle a few more times then as the entertainment isn’t over”
Tower “roger that Rodger”
Just them the lady in the front row decided she had to use the bathroom… no problem usually but she was at least 400 lbs.. she got up and hitched her dress as she squeezed down the aisle.. all was well until she got to me and we hit an air pocket… well it wasn’t pretty.. her dress flew up and ashamedly I saw her underwear. On her rear… it said Wednesday….. trouble was this was Friday! Finally she squeezed past.
Lastly.. was an animal petting show… the guy had a pet fox.. cute.. he did tricks and such and could count to three I think [ that was the handler] anyway.. the very back of the plane had a guy from Honduras [ I knew this because his tee shirt said DON’T FART IN HONDURAS] ] had who had a wicker basket with chickens in it , on his lap…, we hit another air pocket and the cage dropped to the floor… the fox attacked immediately and we had chicken feathers and squawk, growl, pluck, pluck squawk.. all the while the guy was screaming MIO POULE!!!! or something like that.. the feathers were everywhere and the air hostess was wrestling with the fox in the aisle.. all the while the limbo dancer was saying… get me ice! Get me ice!
As she rolled around in the aisle with the fox.. the chickens made it to the cockpit and was flapping around the pilots head… he grabbed it and belted it in.. so we FINALLY landed and the last thing I heard was from the pilot “ could we have a WARM HAND FOR MY CO-PILOT”
I kissed the ground.