The place… the border of Belize and chetumal…
The situation.. following some British tourists , a couple, through the immigration customs border
The result… total and utter amazement
Well, I decided to go to Chetumal and get some itmes that aren’t readily available in my paradise, the entrance to heaven, the grand elephant, the mighty lion, the king of retirement heaven.. yes.. friends.. COROZAL my garden of Eden, on earth
However, I do need some stretch canvas.. so away went. Now, since I am as HM would say a perpetual tourist I need to pay $37,50 to leave heaven each and every time… now I don’t mind this but I will take ift up with the almighty someday as long as Tim isn’t whispering in his ear.
Anyway.. I am in the queue, in front of me, is a 40+ ish English couple.. Leaving Belize to visit Mexico.
They saunter up to the immigration/customs fellow, whose name was Manuel… and this is what happened.
Manuel “ passports please “
Englsig couple “ my good man, we are ENGLISH we are in colony and don’t need a passport my good man, now please call a car and have us picke dup at the other gate”
Manuel “ passport please
English couple “ I say, did you not U N D E R S T A N D us.. we are in colony now be a good fellow and call your man for a car.. now please”
Manuel “ Sir, you need to show your passport to leave Belize”
English Couple, the wife turns to her husband and says..’ dearie.. let me handle the good fellow’ “now Mr Mule, we are on holiday in colony don’t you know.. we are travelling about seeing the wonders that you ,and your fellow colonists have done in our absence.. we simply wish to take the air, in a foreign country.. MIXECCO and would simply like you to have our car brought around, now be a good fellow and hop to it. That’s a good man.”
Manuel [ I am still waiting for the explosion] Sir, if you don’t eish to show me your passport, simply leave the lins and I’ll take the next person [ THAT’S ME!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ya]
English couple ‘ I say, but you are a little renegade aren’t you, I will show you our passports, but do not think that people of quality will not be made aware of your intransience to a citizen of the UMPIRE.
[ over heard their private sotto vocce conversation.} Lovey the little blighter, has us gob smacked. We shan’t be going to Mexico without his grubby little hands pawing out credentials.. why this will be made quite a stir when I report it to the Times.. the nerve of the little blighter.. he can see we’re BRITISH ]
Now, on this I agree, because their teeth were so screwed up that it would take a team of dentists to undo 40 years of twisting and grime that had built p on their fangs.[ think of looking in the mouth of an old howler monkey]
NEXT!! To the fee collection.
Manuel ..’ $37.50 please , each ‘
English couple “ brg pardon my good fellow… did you say 37.50 I may hav mistook it due to your ACCENT what my dear man would that be for?’
Manuel “ $37.50 please”
English couple [ to each other.. did the little fellow say 3750? What is that in real money lovely.. look it up] after a 5 minute lookup.. “ my good fellow, now see here.. we have calculated that, that is one pound.. do you have change for a fiver? “
Manuel ‘$37,50 please BELIZE
English couple “ why this nonsense has to stop, my good man, I did not come from the head of UMPIRE to be asked for some piddling amount in colony currency . I watched the Falkland’s war and have seen every Alistair Cook special and I refuse to be intimidated by your dockswaddling attitude my good man, now get your superiors here on this instant or I shall be forced to call the ambassador”
Manuel ‘$37.50 ‘
Much to my amazement the guy pulls out an old Barclay card and says” credit?”
Manuel looks and says “NO CREDIT, NO PEPSI ,JUST CASH $37.50 EACH”
Much to my amazement the woman opens up a bag, and proceeds to count out the entire amount in shillings… $75.00 in shillings!!!! All the time muttering.. BLIGHTERS
They finally pay and we all head.. all 100 us us in line behind them to the Mexican border……
Stay tuned.. you won’t believe it…………..
This is what happened next… I’d like to call it , in honor of HM
“take pity on a ditty”
Or’ Mr. Bean and wife visit a foreign country’
Well.. we shuffle off to the next station in Mexico… this is the one where they hand you a card to fill out at the NEXT station.. which is Mexico’s Immigration and customs…
I am now, right behind them again as being Canadian I am to polite to tell the to get the ‘ell out of the way… but such is life and I after all, am on Belize time , permanently so I don’t rattle easy.
The Englishman and his Mrs… approach the Mexican border official, who is patiently handing out the forms which one must fill out to get in to Mexico and retain the bottom part to get back out of Mexico.
Well it goes like this….
Englishman and wife “ Lovey.. let me handle this as I looked up a few words on the plane whilst on the journey, to colony….
‘BONUS DEEASS SEEN YOR DO you-o speak-o [ louder now, in fact very loud ] ENGLISH!
Offical ‘¿cómo ha dicho? senor’
Don’t quote me but I think he said what?
Englishman and wife.. I say.. my good man, we , the Mrs. and I are on grand tour.. We have come to give you a taste of British civilization.. .. now be a good chap and fetch the car.. ,watch this lovey, MOOchos GRAT-TI-US.
The Mexican official turns to the other and says ‘Creo que este hombre está loco, ,”
Which loosely translated means I think this man is crazy
Now… by this time a couple of enterprising young Mexicans are renting us lawn chairs and selling treats.. Popcorn and such as we decided.. what he ‘ell if we have to wait we might as well be entertained…
Englishman and wife Now see here, my good man… perhaps you are unaware of who we are… my second cousins in laws are once removed from the line of Tudor , as in ROYLAITY…. I am MR Gaylord Bumstead of Yorkshire and this is my darling Mrs.. Agatha Bumstead who is the past honorary royal chairperson of the Chelsea flower show… and glockenspiel revival. I car not for your attitude and shall be reporting you to the proper BRITISH authorities upon my return to colony, British Honduras and will simply not stand for rudeness.. now stop waving that silly missive in my face and step aside .’
Now…. Get this… who knew there was another Brit in the queue.. as it had now grown to 150 people.. all munching snacks and well it kinds looked like Wimbledon on the TV.. heads turned one way then the other.. if you catch my drift.. anyway we hear..
‘HOOT MAN!! I KAN-i stand it amore… ya bloody fooooollll canya see , as plaaayn as dee da farm hass to be filled OUUT. R ye daft .. ya stowit . FIL l HOWT de FARM. ‘
Hmmmm .. now this was certainly an unexpected turn of events… now a fellow traveler, was taking the time to speak to them in their own language.. I tell you,, brought a tear.. I mean mans’ humanity, I was thinking of Albert Schweitzer and Gandhi and.. hold on let me get a tissue… anyway we figured entertainment over… BUT wait… never put a good man down…
Gaylord says… pardon me my good man.. but we can’t seem to make hide nor hair of your brogue, can we lovey? While I suspect you mean well, we are having a civilized discussion with the Bonaparte allies here, and you should mind your business my good man… quite! Now back in the queue.. with you.. that’s a good chap.
Now I was closest and I overhear Gaylord say to the MRS. ‘Good lord dear, the cheek of that Scotsman , she says.. well, he was SCOTTISH cheeky bastard.. talking to his betters.. why if you weren’t here, I say. I may have sorted him out.. ‘
Now a miracle happens… a customs official says IN ENGLISH .. ‘Sir, if you don’t fill out the form.. you not getting in to Mexico compremde?’
They take the form.. , we take our lawn chairs and move en masse to the next station… handing your passport over after filling out the form…..
I pause here… and will let you know what happens next… gawd help us… but now the boys are bringing refreshments… marguerites, tequila… beer.. so we are ready for part two… we are now a hundred plus a bus load of Peruvian nuns …