I feel bad…..
As I mentioned in a previous post I had a terrible problem with the “airline” trying to allow me to allow me to put an 24 extension ladder in my luggage… they were very rude.. and finally hung up!! On me.
Well….. I was thinking about my friend Robin after the “episode” and decided to call and try to get them to be reasonable .. so.. bright idea.. I called customer service …
Customer service “ helooooo this is Rahim , how can I help you?
Me “ yes, I would like to lodge a complaint, I was simply calling YOUR airline and after a very reasonable question, I was hung up on.
Customer service” I apologize profusely SIR, that is against our airlines policy, I will make a note… now sir. How can I help you??
Me “well you see, I would like to bring a two seater kayak with me on my next flight.. it is a big plane and I think it would fit easily… It is 12 feet long and and is packed very well, it has shrink wrap completely encasing it. Think of an Egyptian mummy.. , by the way I hope your not Egyptian and please take no offense… but those mummy’s are little midgets they’re so small…. Anyway.. I would like to have this with me when I land in Belize.
Customer service “ sir, before I look into that.. is there anything else you’d like I your luggage?? “
Me “ well now that you mention it, yes… 64 dozen Krispy Cream donuts, 1500 feet of aluminum foil, I am planning to make chemtrail helmets, six jars of Polskie pickles [ large] and 100 tunes of K Y jelly… scented”
Customer service’ and that’s it sahib.. sorry I mean sir?”
Me” well truth be told I would if possible like to bring the tailpipe of a 64 rambler.. just a keepsake.. ya see.. My best buddy Hubby Bubby Mcgilicuty was sup fishing in the spring and well the car sank.. Bubby didn’t survive and all the divers brought up was Bubby, with his mouth firmly attached around the tailpipe… the cops said he may have been a tad confused so ya see.. It’s sentimental value”
Customer service “ so these items are in addition to the boat???
Me” whoa.. there amigo.. I said NOTHING about a boat I said Kayak…. Ya. Know… whale watching, sealing…….. little guys in parka’s trying to figure out how to pee out of the Kayak.. haha.. heh.. just joking .. You’re not an eskino are you… man that would be something a condo made of snow-o… heh… are you there??? Hello???? Egyptian dude?? Hello??
5 minutes go bye
Customer service “hello sir.. I will be handling your call… , the previous operator had some sort of physical malfunction….. my name is Nefertiti .
Me” well for gawds sake.. I explained all this to the other guy…. All I said was, mummys were like midgets…
Customer service” well sir. He is a little person, we actually have him sit on 6 phone books to answer the calls, he happened to fall off the phone books.. hence his problem… but now sir… to your question. It would be very difficult to get a kayak onto the plane sir… it is 12 feet long??
Me” that’s why I need so much KY jelly.. it’s slip right it.. and I’ll even sit in the aisle.. then you can sell my seat.. I’ll just push aside when somebody wants to use the head.
Customer service “head sir??? Sir are you attempting to dirty talk me!!!!!!!!! ”
Me? No no, I know it’s just a little head up front. I’ll just move the kayak.. it’s a two seater…. And I’ll let anyone give me head.. I MeaN use the head… sorry… gawd I am so confused ..
Customer service” SIR YOU ARE TALKING DIRTY , NO KAYAK, NO BIG ROUND PICKLES, NO SLIPPERY JELLY….. NOTHING….. YOU DIRTY, DIRTY INFIDEL.. PARISE GQD IN HIS WISDOM THAT MY , IMAN CANNOT HEAR YOU!!!!
Then she starts to cry…… jaysus H.
So I say….. does this mean I can’t visit the pyramids???
Then she hung up!