Fear and loathing in hopkins
Ok.. so I am sitting here.. thinking… what would the Knocks family reunion look like and how would they get there.. then I started thinking…. Good question.. Would they start off by getting in a leaky boat like their ancestors did or would they fly to Cancun and figure.. what is the cheapest way to BELIZE… then it hit me…. bicycles … they would ride bicycles… And I’m not going to lie, I am also thinking about those muscle food deals for christmas I saw last night online, they didn’t let me sleep.
Soooo I’m thinking.. I’ll call my friend Ernesto and ask him what the deal is like for a wayward brit to come to Belize via Cancun…. And if you do it right.. just what would the Knocks clan expect. The only previous shot I had was the family heading for a free crisps day in England.. so I asked him.. what would happen.
He says.. “ Mister P I’m going to meet them full plan with a complement of Freddy Fender impersonators.. all playing lively heavy beat Latin music like La Cucaracha, then I will have the sisters of Mary Celeste handing out free tamales with edible prayers on the wrappings.. this with a free taco bell coupon for a large English breakfast tea and a 20% off coupon for the next pirates of the Caribbean.. then we will have … Limbo dancers bare naked.. doing the limbo after ingesting a 500 mg Viagra tablet… [ a crowd favorite it seems]…..and this is just as they get off the plane…
Whoa… stop right there… it’s a lot to digest.. Continued soon
ya know, I am flying home [ belize] shortly and called the BLASTED airline to enquire about luggage.
I patiently explained that I wanted to bring as luggage a 24 foot extension ladder. GAWD you might as well said a case of rattle snakes… shuffled from one department to another… after 45 minutes on the phone [ on hold] they finally answered me….
apparently they are racist as well.. they wanted to know where the ladder was made.. I gave up and just told the girl it was made in Aluminum.
She said “thank you” and put me back on hold…
They then asked me why I needed to take a ladder on the plane? I patently told them that the ladder was to get a nest of leprechauns out of a tree in belize so I could sleep at night without hearing celtic thunder and non stop giggling and the sound of coins being jingled.. [ little b@stards.. more on that later]
Then she says!! what are leprechauns???? I said “are you freaking crazy??’
everybody knows what Leprechauns are’
she says “sorry sir I don’t”
So I said ” they are the meanest little b@stards there are, they steal gold and look like the frito bandito only in green and they smoke pipes and play really dirty pranks on people”
she said ” oh, and where are these lepriccans [ jayses] ”
So I said “BELIZE!!! LIKE I HAVE BEEN TELLING YOU FOR AN HOUR.. I NEED THE LADDER TO GO AND ROOT OUT THE NEST!!!!’
then she lets me have it “NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” I CAN’T BRING THE LADDER!!’
I then go to my fallback position and say.. ‘what about carry on?’
she hung up… gawd, now what am I going to do?
Leprechaun’swell… I am back VERY soon and I am bringing some guaranteed leprecan bait. It’s gold foil over river stones to fool the little buggers…
Ya I know you think I am losing it… leprechauns and all.. but I am telling you… they are real….. I was sent clandestinely the picture below to show the little beggars have even infiltrated the Menintights!!![ think.. thunder right now] 2
SOLUTION FOUND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i HAVE FOUND OUT YOU CAN MAIL I TO BELIZE!! IT TAKES 375 DOLLARS IN STAMPS. i K NOW THAT’S A LOT OF STAMPS TO LICK AND STICK BUT A VERY EASY SOLUTION.. I am now looking for a mailbox that I can place the ladder into