More airline cr@p…
I just found out that my Buddy in Congo [formerly the central African republic] Idi Hazbe’en has been able to secure for me , from an animal rescue station one of those baboons with the bright red Butt cheeks. I mean.. I have wanted a pet for so long that I could relate to… I tell you, brings a tear…..
Anyway… he can get a private plane to fly my monkey to Toronto, apparently Congo regularly flies to Toronto to grab humanitarian supplies like popsicles, milk, by products, Oscar Myer wieners and coke zero… etc. quite regularly.
The baboon is 2 years old and his name is Iyatoldya bin Baboon , anyway.. Baboons have a few instinctive traits that may cause the general public to be a little hesitant when first encountering them…. So, like a VERY RESPONSIBLE PERSON I CALLED AIR LINE FIRST. My plan is to fly business class, and purchase an extra seat just for Iyatoldya I mean it’s the right thing to do.. [ in my opinion]
I am calling Monday to see if he needs a passport etc. as we will be flying over the continental USA and I want to make sure all his papers are in order.. he is actually a citizen of Liechtenstein, but more on that later..
So… I call the airline… again 20 minutes on hold and I ask POLITLEY to purchase an extra ticket [ I am being a little more tricky now I didn’t say my pet but a “friend”]
I goes like this..
“hello, Gwensevere speaking how can I help you?”
I say… “ I am traveling with a friend, we are going camping with a tent from Survival Cooking, and I would like to purchase another business class ticket “
Gwensevere “ NO PROBLEM SIR!!! Will your friend have any luggage?”
I say “ well no, he sort of , well he sort of, wears his cloths permanently like; except that he has a bright fluorescent orange @ss and a ,well I guess you’d say displayed genitalia.. but all in good taste”
Gwensevere “ ah sir… I see… would he need any special food for the flight???”
I say “ ya ,as many bananas as you can bet him and he also loves a good cigar”
Gwensevere ‘SIR!!!! There is no smoking on any airline, you must know that”
I say.. ‘oh ya.. sorry he doesn’t light it.. he just likes to suck and make slurping noises…. It’s just a nervous habit….
Gwensevere ‘Well sir.. this sounds a little odd.. any other possible situations??
I say “ well he does have a peculiar habit of “ spanking the monkey” if you know what I mean.. it’s all harmless, but to be on the safe side, if we could have a steward in instead of a flight hostess then it would be belter because he may try to , well have you ever seen a dog on a leg?.. sort of like that”
Gwensevere “Sir!!! Is this even a human we are talking about???!!!”
I said…. “ well almost he has 99 % of our DNA , but it’s just that little one percent that may seem a little different.. and his fluorescent red butt as well..”
SHE HUNG UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The poorest customer service of any airline…. Ya that’s YOU Burkina Faso
Your service SUX and I am going back to my tried and true AIR FRANCE!!!
I’ll let you know how it works out………………….